Pamela Rae Newsletter

March

Put Your Spouse First

Put your spouse first – 8 minutes a day.  Here’s how it works:

- First, turn off your phones, tv, radio, it must be quiet and there must be no interruptions.
- Second, face each other, hold hands.  This will help you to connect.
- Third, you can’t talk about problems, work, kids, family, friends, hobbies, news.  This conversation is about you and your spouse, between you and your spouse.
- Fourth, see what you have left to talk about.  This is your true relationship. 

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Here are some things you can talk about during your 8 minutes that will strengthen your relationship.

- Show appreciation.  Thank your spouse for the things they do for you (big or small).
- Share memories.  Talk about good times.  Most people focus on problems.  This will help you to focus on the positive.
- Ask questions.  This will help you get to know each other.  You can ask things like . . .

         Likes and dislikes, Childhood memories, Facts like, where were you born, etc.

- Practice new marriage behavior.  This is critical if you are learning to treat each other better.
- Ask relationship questions like . . . What do you need? What do you want? What could I do differently?
- If you are spiritual, pray for each other. 

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Here are the positive things that came out of our 8 minutes together:

- It made me feel like I was a priority to my husband.  With so much always going on, we would try to get done with all that we had to do, then try to spend time together.  Not only were we exhausted, but everything took priority over our marriage relationship.
- It taught us to communicate better. 
- It taught us to pay attention to each other by listening with no interruptions.
- It made us both feel appreciated when we thanked each other for the things we do for each other.  It doesn’t have to be anything big.  We thank each other for things like, folding the towels, making dinner, making the bed, the kind words you said, the support you gave me and the list goes on.
- It made us focus on the good times and enjoy our good times over and over when we brought up good memories.  Many made us laugh. 
- We began to get to know each other better.  Asking questions and listening to the answer is a great way to get to know each other.  This was very helpful for us since we had not been married long.
- We learned to treat each other better.  We got much needed marriage counseling and practiced the behaviors we were taught.  We had both been in dysfunctional marriages in the past and needed training.
- We learned how to behave in our marriage when we asked the relationship question:  What could I do differently.
- We are spiritual and praying for each other, made us feel cared for.